Feeling Miffed with a Relative
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You know all those social media posts that ask AIBU? Well here is your chance to tell me if I am cos I am feeling a bit ticked off.
A close relative has gone ahead and booked a holiday, paid the deposits, chosen location and hotel etc without telling me.
I had indicated I would go to her son's wedding when asked a year ago, but there is still another year to go and they don't require an answer until December.
I had decided months ago I wasn't going to accept but as it hadn't been mentioned since thought I would wait for the invite.
So now I am lumbered with paying her back the £200 deposit which is a bit much for me to lose for nothing. Surely she should have told me that she was about to book especially as I had not responded to invite yet?
They booked a venue for a wedding in advance and want you to contribute to deposit. Booking in advance is going to save the money 
but if wedding is in 2025 then a lot can happen in that time including hotel going bust or couple deciding not to marry. Are deposits protected in case something happen, not saying it will but worth to ask if they are refundable just in case.
SebK84 this is the problem. I was not told whereabouts, which hotel, which airport, what date etc it was just booked yesterday and I was told last night that I owed £200 for my deposit, on a holiday I had not confirmed I wished to go on. The deposit is non refundable.
As I said above surely you should call or text just to say 'I am booking the holiday tomorrow is that ok?'
I do wonder about the deposit as I think it is wrong that it is non refundable if you cancel within 24 hours. Especially as the holiday is 14 months away.
SebK84 I think you may have misunderstood. This is nothing to do with the wedding but it is why I was invited and it was suggested my sis and I go together and pay for our holiday which is fine. Had I decided to go I would of course pay my own way. But to go ahead and book for someone else, in effect spending their money for them without asking if it's ok first is out of order. So I now have to pay the deposit for my holiday that I am not going on.
Yes this could be the one and only bust up we've had in 50 years but she seems to forget I gave her 1k several years ago but she has more than 4x my income and spends money like water.
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable as a lot can change in a year and it’s always best to check before booking anything.
UANBU If I was buying tickets for anybody and expected them to pay I would check with them first, it's only right! I wouldn't pay the deposit if it was me, as I hadn't been asked if it was ok to do so and didn't actually want to go.
tumblespots thanks MrsT. I guess I needed to know if I was out of order as I did say last year I would go, tentatively, but when she said my other solo sis would be going it let me off the hook so to speak. I hadn't dreamt for a minute she would just book for the 3 of us without even running it by me.
And who would get the sofa bed! Can you imagine 3 women trying to get ready for a wedding in a room with one bathroom
not to mention all the other mornings.
Lynibis It was reckless of her as you can't leave it such a long time and expect people to be held to a decision made so long ago without double checking, especially when costs are involved.
Tell her you are unable to pay it as your circumstances have changed and you weren’t given sufficient notice. Basically she has lost her money. Why should you pay if you can’t go?
A bit cheeky booking it without consulting you first, maybe she could find another relative to go in your place or speak to the company for a refund. There still seems plenty of time fo get organised, it's not like you changed plans last minute x
nina090976 I googled refunds but legally they don't have to. Hopefully 4th sister could step in but if not this will cause problems. I truly would pay up if she had asked first and then I changed my mind.
Lynibis yes, a bit tricky. I guess things can still change up until december, if the holiday is not too costly you may want to tag along afterall, in the meantime I would just pay her monthly and if anyone is happy to take your spot they could pay you back. Just a thought, hope you get it sorted x
You are not being unreasonable. You do not owe her anything as you were not consulted and you had not confirmed if you were actually going. I would be livid if someone booked something without consulting me and then told me I owed them money. You need to check with people before you book something, she is the one that is being unreasonable in my opinion.
Sorry but who In the right mind would book something not tell you anything about it and expect you to pay £200 sister or not I'd be telling her I'm not paying for it shes way out of line to expect you to just go along with it
We had a similar experience a couple of years ago, friends of ours were getting married in Turkey, they booked everything without letting us know, I didn't fancy it(august 55/65c heat) ) nah it wasn't for me so told them, they wanted £500, told them to do one, haven't spoken to them since, not bothered
martinlufc5637 I replied earlier but when I scrolled back it had disappeared, maybe I forgot to click reply lol. But yes the heat is also a factor for me. I was once at a wedding in Cyprus and the temp was 40+ it made me feel really ill and I couldn't enjoy the wedding.
Lynibis I struggle with 30 degree heat lol there was no way I was going when it was 60 + degrees, plus we have young children, I wasn't exposing them to that heat, it was an idea they had and Then took it upon themselves to book, I'm not responsible for that, if they had come to us and asked if we were definitely going, we'd have said no
Weddings abroad are unfair for their guests to pay for flights, accommodation and taxis. A friend initially said they would go to a wedding but then they started costing it for just 4 nights it was nearly £3k and that didn’t include car hire! She apologised to the couple which they graciously accepted and explained maybe they shouldn’t have picked a remote 5* hotel. Explain in a letter which isn’t confrontational how you feel.
Pjran re your first sentence, I agree and think that often the couple may do this knowing many folk won't be able to attend and therefore the actual wedding, (food drink etc) won't cost them as much. Plus they have the added bonus of rolling the wedding and honeymoon into one.
I must admit my oldest son got married abroad but he was very generous helping out with the cost for the small guest list.
Really damn ridiculous argh 
makes me mad 
hearing you in this situation damn annoying not consulting with you first! Don’t think you owe your relative anything they did this!! May be a reasonable time to cut ties with them!
My dad was stupid years ago gave money to his mate to this day over 30 years I’m guessing he still not sh*t paid the full amount back!! And he ignores my mums calls and messages sh*t b*stard!
kitty88uk ah bless you, didn't mean to upset you on my behalf. I am a lot older than my siblings (dad remarried hence step mum) 10 years between me and the oldest one. But we were always close as I was like her second mum. However, by the time she was 7 I had joined the Navy and was therefore not as close to the next 3.
I don't want to cut ties but I have become disillusioned with her change of character over the years, very bossy and controlling, but as it is now become harder for me to visit (3 hour journey) I guess we won't be seeing much of each other anyway so I guess I won't be any worse off.
Lynibis sorry I got angry lol ah it’s awful having a sh*t person controlling, how the hell now discuss what they were going to do! Making you pay for something you did not consent to doing so or confirm you were going ridiculous
Hate family members, had an aunt years ago kept calling asking to borrow money for her son buy house then one day said it’s fine pfft!! Now he makes money renting houses and ever since never damn called my mum to have a chat or anything goes to show they only call you for money matters that’s it
I would be absolutely fuming, who on earth would book something like this without consulting up first!
Your definitely not being unreasonabe. Id tell them to get stuffed tbh. Who books an expensive trip without re checking with everyone again? Especially during these financial times. Many people ate in different financial positions than they were 1 or 2 years ago & she should have considered that imo. She may well find your not the only miffed party. I suppose you now have to decide whether £200 is worth losing your relationship over. I'd personally send a message saying your taken aback she booked without having a conversation with you & then tell where to go.
This is your sisters problem, she should never have booked without contacting you., let her loose the deposit and change the booking. Did she contact the 3rd person? As you've indicated you don't know whereabouts, which hotel, which airport, what date etc you indicated you would go to her sons wedding not a blind holiday. If abroad how does she know you'll be allowed into the country - joking. I wouldn't book anything until I have an invite a lot can happen in the next 12 months.
I know it is a bit dishonest but could you not tell her you have a medical condition that doesn't make it safe for you to fly ?
She might accept this for a reason for you not being able to go
Or maybe you do have a condition that your doctor has said could be affected by flying ?
Then you could get a doctors note to pass on to the holiday company, they usually make an exception to their rules in medical situations
Also with Covid still in circulation you could be putting your health at risk flying in a confined aircraft
I understand the stress of the situation L, especially with this being a close relative such as your sister
I think that you should have been told before they added you to the booking so you could have had the chance to say if you were going to go. How did they know that you could afford to pay. They definitely should have checked first
Just in case - why dont you phone the agent or airline direct to see if there is a chance of a refund and what refund has been paid. You may find that as your sister likes to be in charge she may have been a little less than honest with the actual facts.
If that fails- just be honest with her and say if you were going to pay however much the cost is you would rather go on a holiday of your choosing. Many people who go abroad for a wedding abroad organise for it to have it ‘streamed’ in real time for people who can’t afford to go can actually still afford to be there xx good luck xx
Just out of curiosity- how many people has she booked and paid the deposit for ? On a reasonably large booking you can haggle and usually get a discount. Is she likely to have done that and thought well thats a lovely discount i get and not shared the discount? X
suevernon1968 I must admit I don't know all the one and outs. In the interest of total honesty I indicated I would go when I was told about it almost 2years prior to event but with the thought that anything can happen during that time. She then told me she had invited a third sister but made no mention of when she would book. I felt it was a good way to decline as she would still have a travel companion but b4 I could tell her she had booked.
I suppose she was rightly upset but in an abrupt text said she was asking 4th sister to take my place so only admin fee to pay. That was several days ago so don't know if it's yes/no as of now.
Lynibis anyone travelling abroad these days tends to take out travel insurance. No one knows what may happen between now and then- she hasn’t really given you chance to take out insurance. As it was made as a group booking i presume insurance would have been offered at the same time. What gives her the right to make that choice for you ?
I would stick to your guns. Why did the other sister not get included on the same booking as the rest of you x
suevernon1968 originally just us two, then the next sis stayed with her for a week and she invited her too (not sure if she ok'd it with son and his bride, doubt it) which I also did not get consulted about. I hate sharing a room but with 3 even worse.
The first thing I thought of was travel insurance as Martin Lewis is very hot about this. But as you say, I had no chance.
Be truthful but polite. Its not where you would have chosen to stay, or the flight you would have chosen and although it was a lovely thought of her to do this for you thinking it would take the stress off you with such a big decision you would rather make the decision yourself and as she decided to make the decision without consulting you dont feel you are responsible for any payment at all.
Personally I wouldn’t be that polite! From me she would get tough luck lady you dont rule my life - your mistake you pay for it - but you are a nicer person than me ! X
I do wish you luck xx
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