Loneliness and How to Make New Friends as an Adult
Ask a Question
The older I get the more lonely I feel, has anyone else ever felt lonely?
I get on well with the girls at work but they never invite me out, I have no friends at all and I just don't know why,?
Any suggestions on how to make friends would be very welcome
How old are you and whereabouts do you live? I’m 51 and live in West Sussex. I am married but don’t have children and have no real friends. I get lonely sometimes. I’ve never really had any close friends just acquaintances.
JLouM yes that's how I feel, no real friends,just acquaintances, I'm 37 from Somerset, shame Ur so far away
slightfoot Have you tried joining Facebook? there are plenty of groups on there that might take your fancy IE. people interested in Soaps and maybe you can reconnect with old friends where you live or lived or from school and ex workmates etc. I have reacquainted with class mate and have met up a few times.
MartinJarvis yeah I'm on Facebook, I have plenty of "friends" on there, which is great but it's not real life, I wud just love to have a mate in real life xx
Yes shame we are quite far apart. Otherwise I would meet you. Welcome to be a Facebook friend if you are on it.
This is a modern day phenomenon I am afraid. When I was a young wife and mother it was not unusual to have neighbours, siblings round for dinner and we were often in each other's houses having tea/coffee and kids playing. 3 ft high fences meant frequent chats in the garden, now they are all 6ft so we can't see each other, let alone chat, so neighbours are distant, never get to know you properly and this can cause disputes.
With the need for women to work this all went out the window and when children leave home or we lose a partner where does that leave us? I always made an effort to become friends with workmates, after all you can spend a third of your life with them!
I also nurtured the friends I did make by keeping in touch, my ex neighbour for example and a friend I made when going out in a foursome with my ex. I also have a 40 year friendship with a neighbour from the 80s and we have never moved far. We get together most Saturday evenings, in fact she is on her way now. Although I am now retired two friends from work will be visiting because I have made the effort to keep in touch, following up a casual 'come visit' with a text or email inviting them round.
In other words, making and keeping friends takes more of an effort than it used to but a text or email makes it a little easier. Think of the people you know who you like and extend an invite.
I still get lonely but am lucky to have loving sons and grandkids.
Finally join a club or an adult evening class then invite a prospective friend round to study together....good luck
Lynibis yes sorry I was replying to the author of this page and wrote it to you and then transferred it ,sorry again.
Lynibis lots of great suggestions there, and some things to think about, thankyou xx
Lynibis I could be wrong, but I think this is a particular issue for single professionals. Unwittingly we became defined by our work, marriage and children bypassed us so no anti-natal or school-gate connections. We left our hometowns for college or University. Once studies were completed, we then moved again in search of work. Long distance friendships fade, especially if some friends settled and did have families. Redundancy ended my employment, so I set up working for myself. Loved it. Then came covid and that finished me. Now no friends, no family in my city. Loneliness is a constant battle. I’m never bored, I have lots of interests but lack of human contact is a tough one.
leonnie yes I can identify because my sons left home when I was in my late 30s (married at 18). When I was 33 hubby left for a 21 year old so for a lot of the ensuing 37 years I too have been alone. This is why I make sure I stay in touch with the few friends I do make and I also have a single sister. Although we live about 130 miles apart we spend as much time as possible together. I also see at least 1 of my two sons weekly with their family so all in all I do count my blessings as I know there are many far worse off.
Maybe consider NWR, I joined in my 30s admittedly with a friend. NWR is a social organisation and our style is informal and relaxed. Local group and online meetings offer conversation, friendship and fun.
I've got my family but no real friends because we all go on with are own life's I don't go out anymore everything it's just kids ,kids kids and being honest I've lost myself and yeah it gets lonely even tho I've got people around me I have met friends on a game but they live in Australia we do message each other everyday
Leannexxx it's funny, I don't have any children and always thought the women with kids would be less lonely because they meet lots of other parents through the kids, so I guess it just goes to show that loneliness hits everyone, I have lots of online friends on Facebook ect, but no one that I cud just call up in real life for a drink and a chat
slightfoot oh yeah I speak to a few different parents but there not my friends I only see them in the playground
How about going to a church. Almost any religion would welcome you and most churches have a community centre attached to the church for various activities.
There are many groups on Meetup www.meetup.com/find/united-kingdom/ who meet in real life - maybe you could find some locally. 
I think it's something that more people struggle with than you realise. A local lady posted a similar post on fb a few years back and got lots of replies, now they have a group that meets weekly open to everyone.
Midnightflower fair play to her, that very brave to just put herself out there like like
slightfoot I think her bravery worked out well. There was huge amounts of replies from people of all ages feeling the same so she decided to arrange a coffee morning which is still running now.
I can really relate, I am married and have a grown up child who doesn't live us, as I always had to commute for work, I never socialise with colleagues outside work as needed to get home to the family and as a working Mum never got into the Mum network.
In the last few years it's got worst as I had a back operation and lost a lot of my mobility, so even going swimming or the gym is not an option.I can no longer drive, so my life has got very small as I now work remotely.
I feel very lonely a lot of the time, which is why this site is a godsend, as I don't do social media as find Facebook very fake.
beccatavender ooh wow, that's rough, and yes I know what you mean about social media, there's some great suggestions by people here, groups and stuff that might be helpful to you too ***
slightfoot I know there is a lot of things out there, it's just difficult if you are not feeling confident, to put yourself out there. I think I just need to get myself out of the rut I am in. The lack of mobility as definitely adversely affected my confidence, as there is a walking club I would have joined etc.
beccatavender Yes I can only imagine how difficult it must be with added mobility issues
I'm in the exact same boat. I've really struggled with this. believe me its nothing to do with you as a person. I finally had a word with myself last week, when we were kids we naturally went up to another kid and asked to play and be friends. so i have started to look for any local groups of interest to join. much like dating, searching for a friend can take effort. I have joined a yoga class that starts Tuesday at my local village hall as a start. So maybe start looking for groups in your area to 
SaveMeSunday even as a kid I think I struggled abit, I think I'm just abit social akward and abit boring to be honest, all the girls at work my age are proper girly girls, talk about make up, nails and tiktok, I like gardening and making jam,!
slightfoot oh how nice jam and plants etc..yes I be always been socially awkward myself...wonder if there is z gardening club near you? It always amazes me how many clubs there are locally but too afraid to go to one !
slightfoot I know where you are coming from, I have always found it difficult to strike up conversation and to be honest I think I am boring, but I think thats because I don't think I have anything to add to the conversation, can talk in a work situation.
After university my friends were made through work or through going to clubs with my son.
I've moved work places and no one from my old work bothers to talk to me anymore. I made the effort when I first left but it was always me doing it so gave up.
Whilst I talk to the other mums outside nursery, I've only got 2 people who I've made friends with since having my son.
I have 4 close friends but only one of them lives in the same town, the other 3 are 4 hours away. I talk to them all the time though.
I don't feel lonely though. I'm lucky that I see my parents often, I see my mother in law a lot and I talk to my friends all the time.
I think loneliness is a bugger issue than people think.
After my mum retired she joined a few different clubs and has made friends. My mother in law joined a new church and made loads. My Granny, who is 88, joined a new church and has started going to a daycentre to meet people and do activities to keep her active.
Making friends and maintaining friendships takes more effort than people realise.
MrsCraig I get on well with everyone at work but just don't seem to be part of the "click" when it comes to nights out and stuff, I did ask one of the girls about it once but that just made things worse, now I hear them whispering, arranging nights out and if I walk in the room the conversation stops, very awkward to say the least. So I tried taking a different approach and organise a night out myself, but nobody wanted to come
at this point I'm starting to think it's definitely something wrong with me, I hate going to work now
slightfoot I only work part time due to my sons nursery hours, but I get on well with everyone at work. I am invited to the nights out but never go as the people I would want to talk to don't go on them. There is nothing wrong with you, it sounds like the people you work with don't want anyone else in their clique and that is their loss. My work can be very cliquey, so I spend time with those who aren't in the cliques. Harder to do if you have a small workplace.
slightfoot oh what a shame doubt there is anything wrong with you at all ,they sound silly brainless girls ...
sallylester1 I am surprised at just how many people feel the same, there some great suggestions by people on here, I will definitely be looking into a few of them
slightfoot I will have a proper read through of them to. You just don't relise do you
Social groups or taking up a sport can be a good way to make new friends.
As far as work goes, i had a similar thing happen to me where I wouldn’t get invited out. It turns out they just thought I wasn’t interested and on reflection i can see why cause i was pretty standoffish and never joined in that much. Now i make more of an effort to do this, also you don’t always have to be invited somewhere, if you’re having a chat with someone about something you have in common just suggest going out to do it.
jms19 yes I have tried, I asked one of the girls why I don't get invited and was told the same, that they didn't think I would be interested, said they would invite me in the future, that was a few years back now, still don't get invited and now they just make arrangements in secret
, so then I tried being the one making the arrangements and inviting them- no takers, I've come to the conclusion that they just don't like me and I'm just not one of the gang, so sod em. I will try some of the things suggested to get some friends outside of work instead, and I think it may also be time for a change of job soon to be honest, I really love my job but the isolation is making it misrable ***
slightfoot ah ok so you have tried, I’d definitely be looking outside of work for social contact then. I think there’s some embarrassment that goes a long with these situations but it’s way more commmon than you think.
Bumble (the dating app) even has a mode for friends so maybe you could try that?
slightfoot them girls at your workplace sound like they are still at. I spend a lot of time on my own because I love it, nobody talking to me. At work they always chat about getting together and going out, I cringe at the idea and think I spend time at work with you because I have to, why would I want to spend my free and peaceful time with you? I'm a friendly person but I work with 2 face and toxic people. Make friends outside of work so can continue to do the job you enjoy
randhawa8 i think you’re right, plus I’ve found when i go out with people from work all we talk about is work. When i change jobs and meet up old work friends i realise that the only thing we really had in common was working the same job.
I think with friends it’s definitely quality not quantity. One true friend can be enough
There are loads of community groups set up online, and I find there are lots of meet ups. My cousin has had sone fun on them - not made that many new friends, but you dont know until you try
Join for free to get genuine deals, money saving advice and help from our friendly community
Chief Bargain Hunter
