Relationship Break Ups
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Me and my partner has decided to call it a day after 14 years and honestly I'm ok with it just worried about my kids but him on the other hand is acting like he's hard done by and making me feel guilty is this normal
I guess if you have called it a day, he's blaming you for the break up?? If it doesn't work it doesn't work, good luck to you
martinlufc5637 yes he definitely blames me he wants to work it out but I don't anymore to much has happened I'm trying to make it easier on him but I guess that's not working
Leannexxx my oldest daughter is going through a similar thing, he keeps phoning and texting her, he blames her too, not the fact he's a bum
martinlufc5637 I wouldn't say my is a bum he's a fantastic dad and would do anything for them just as a couple we don't work
martinlufc5637 best thing she could do is block him on her phone plus any social media connections.
It’s pretty normal for some men to be reduced to a childlike state when a relationship breaks down.
Some men will turn into bas***ds who make your life hell, and some will turn into children who can’t do anything for themselves. They will live like pigs and will make you wary of sending your kids to see them.
Saying that, sometimes the woman is the complete bitch, and makes everything difficult for the man. She uses the kids as ammunition to get to the man, and can make him seeing the kids as awkward as possible. Not to mention she will expect the man to give her more and more money….saying “it’s for the kids” but will really spend the money on herself.
Every situation is different and every person is different.
As long as you do right by each other and put the kids first, a relationship breakdown can be the best thing for everyone.
Leannexxx sometimes it’s hard to keep it civil especially when he keeps blaming you for the break up. I went through something similar with my ex. He also was an amazing dad but when he realised we weren’t getting back together he tried to blackmail me by saying if he couldn’t have me he didn’t want the kids. That really hurt but what hurt me and the kids more he moved to England where he’d some family (I live in Northern Ireland) and now after 28yrs he wants to move back here. Grandkids are delighted and can’t wait to see more of him but his kids are completely over him. He did stay in contact with them, ringing every wk etc but they only seen him 2 wks out of the yr and just lost respect for him. I’ve always told them how amazing a dad he was but they find that hard when for last 28yrs they haven’t seen any sign of that. Hopefully he’ll get place locally and kids will maintain a good relationship with him. Best bit is my ex phones me everyday and we’ve great friendship
chele44 it's not gone that far yet just him keeps saying that I'm gonna make it difficult for him to see he kids I'd never do that and I've told him we could go court if he wants and put in all in writing he's now saying why should I have the kids staying with me why I can't I move out I'm the one who broke up with him and the kids stay with him sorry but that's not happening
Leannexxx just try to keep staying civil and try not to use kids as a gambling tool between you both. It’s hard for both of you, if he thinks he’s only 1 hard done by. It’s hard for you to keep the balance right, to make sure the kids are ok and also to keep yourself ok. At minute you’re ok with the breakup but when he does move out and you’re doing everything by yourself and the kids start blaming you for not seeing daddy everyday etc. Make sure you look after yourself and have good friends around you
Fatabelly ...Northern Ireland IS better than some of England. My partner's brother moved back home to Portadown from where he had lived in Sheffield for most of his life he could leave his car unlocked in a public car park, his Sheffield born niece who moved over had a shed with a freezer full of food in her garden & she told me that no one touched it...x
When I split with my ex husband after 23yrs of marriage which was so hard for me. It broke my heart having to take my 3 children away from our once happy home. He cheated on me ex amount of times. After my instincts came true I couldn't be with him. He told me he loved me.
Love to me is caring, honesty being there for each other through anything. I just couldn't be with him saying he loved me yet he could destroy everything we had worked for.
I lost everything including our home that we had bought.
Through everything he blamed me and said I was the one cheating.i could never have done what he did.I lost all our friends too.
Take time for yourself plan your future with your children, try put the past behind you. I can't lie there will be bad times but the good times will eventually come 
Leannexxx stand by your guns and tell him straight. If it's not working don't give in just to make him happy. Stay strong he'll give up at some point. Think of you and your children. They still have there dad if they need him
Leannexxx just tell him he’s not leaving the kids, it’s you and him that are splitting up and he can see his kids at anytime. He needs to understand you’re doing what’s best for you all as a family. Tell him you want to stay friends but the relationship as it was is over and you don’t want the kids seeing both of you arguing etc and you are afraid that’s what will happen. Good luck with it all. Let’s hope he realises you’re only doing what is best for you all as a family
PaulineRapier This proves my point that both men and women can be awful when it comes to break ups. My ex moved to Australia with new wife leaving me unable keep the home going and forced into selling on advice from solicitor as I was told it would not be viable to take him to court for maintenance etc. There are very rarely winners in these cases but I have heard of women who get the home and shortly after a new man moves in to the home the ex has paid for. In this equality age imagine that situation reversed!
Sorry to hear you have split up. If you just don't work as a couple then it is best for everyone.
Yes it is perfectly normal for one partner to blame the other when you break up.
I have no doubt that you will do what is best for your kids.
Sometimes it’s just time to let go. It obviously affects people differently but if you know it’s the right decision, then go for it
I have been very open on here in a previous topic about my abusive ex and our break up. However, in spite of this I still have a lot of sympathy for men when this happens. Of course men feel hard done by. They are the ones who, mostly, now have to leave their home, pay for kids they will only get to see by pre-arrangement, find the money to not only support those kids but rent different accommodation and basically lose all the comforts of domestic life.
Having said all that I know (as in my case) that MANY men are total Aholes and bring this situation upon themselves, but women can be just as bad. Men need to adapt to the marital/living together state and women need to learn how to help them do it as it is more natural, even in this woke age, for women. Communication when kids in bed, with a glass of wine and music can work wonders. Each saying what they are unhappy with, not using the YOU word or piling blame, but so many are unable to do this and often it doesn't work, nor is it always the solution, some people are just bad.
I certainly do not agree with the post saying to block him on phone. This is a man who has shared 14 years and fathered child(ren), not some 3 date nobody that is being too pushy.
It is rarely a one sided situation and except for cases of abuse (there are apparently 7 kinds) there is usually fault on both sides.
Obviously I don't know you in person Leanne, so please do not take my comment as being directed to you......it is a general observation made after 70 years of life and 3 broken relationships. Those who are happy in their relationships are in the minority and I hope they realise just how lucky they are.
Lynibis oh I don't I know I've played a part in this relationship my issue is that for 14 years he's done nothing but be jealous, possessive accusing me of cheating he hates the fact I go out ( to my dad's) by the way and it just all got to me a month ago me and the kids went to a wedding for my friend it was only small group he was invited too and when I phoned him I was outside on my own till my friends husband and my dad came out but he's got it in his head that I was outside with a man and in all honesty I can't do it anymore there is no trust I've tried for years to get it but it's always been the same I can't live my life like that anymore
Leannexxx that is one of the forms of abuse I believe. Anyone would cave in under that sort of possessiveness. He has had time to amend his behaviour over the years, get counselling or whatever it took if he didn't want to split. He should have learned to keep his mouth shut by now, without incontrovertible proof. If he really wanted to save the relationship he would have done something by now but blaming you is the easy way to excuse his own behaviour.
I just worry that when he goes he may begin to constantly harass you trying to find proof so he can garner sympathy from everyone.
Lynibis well he's already got his mother being funny with me and to be honest I haven't told anyone anything just what I've put on here and even now I've not come to this decision on my own I'm seeing someone in his head but in fact I've never cheated on him or messaged any other man apart from family so if he wants to look he can look but he won't find anything i stayed in the relationship for my kids to be honest because what love was left he lost that just chipping away at me over the years I knew there was red flags but I was already pregnant at that time and I wanted what I had a family together
Leannexxx L, so sorry to hear you are going through this
You seem a very nice person that wears her heart on her sleeve
Not knowing you or your partner i would be reluctant to offer any advice , but would it be worth going to see a relationship counsellor ?
It might not solve the overall problem but sometimes it helps people to realise what is actually happening in their relationship and see if it is repairable, and even if not , it could help defuse the situation before getting out of hand , especially with kids involved
You already have the inlaws interfering , this is normal as people start to take sides and want to defend their own , so to speak
If outsiders see you are making an effort to sort this out in an amicable way , they won't interfere so much , and even if you have made up your mind about the outcome a counsellor will be able to diffuse any anger that comes up
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