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How To Ask Family To Contribute To Christmas Lunch?

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Hi all this is my first post. Every year (11 years) we have my family at our house for Xmas and boxing day (14 people) and they never bring anything or help pay for anything I feel a bit embarrassed asking them to help out financially so how do I approach this subject politely thanks again

TAXI1
a year ago
What do you think of this?+20 points
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JLouM

That’s a bit mean of them if you host them for both days. Just say outright please bring any food or drink you would like to have. Because I don’t have the time to do all the shopping and host. Any help appreciated. Or this year we are doing a ‘bring and share’ Christmas dinner - then they will all bring something. You are the host so you are in charge. Although cooking it is time pressured. Maybe a starter, dessert or bottle of drink.

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MelissaLee1

I am aghast that 14 people( even and especially if they are family or friends ) should land in your lap this many times without bringing even a little something to ease the burden of cost and labour. It's an abuse of your hospitality. If I were you I might say "Oh I'm running a little low on funds and energy this year and wouldn't say no to a helping hand !"Failing that I think I would book a holiday away somewhere nice and quiet!

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HEDGEHOGS

Oh my goodness I would hate to have to host for 14 people, I can't beleive that they have taken you for granted for so long! Why don't you just put it out there and ask if someone else would like to take over the hosting...I think you've more than done your share.

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Pjran

Suggest they all bring a starter, pudding, mince pies or Christmas cake plus a bottle saying it’s good to share and ease the burden of your shopping.

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Jerseydrew

Omg. Really. My dad and stepmum host for the 4 kids and grandkids on boxing day. They choose to do it all. We used to go to my cousins on Xmas day. There were up to 20 of us. We worked together to get Xmas Dinner. One used to cook the turkey. The one that cooked the turkey lived literally round the corner. Some would make dessert or pate. I used to appear with wine

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Jerseydrew

Personally I'd be blunt and say you can't afford to feed them all for 2 days.

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eyeballkerry

I saw an article in the news yesterday about a woman charging £150 a head for her family to come to Christmas dinner, I think that is a bit extreme. But I do think people should contribute something if going to someone for Christmas Day.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12801699/Im-charging-family-members-150-head-Christmas-dinner-one-glass-Champagne-no-expensive-restaurant-deserve-make-profit-cooking-15-people.html

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Lynibis

eyeballkerry haven't read that but it is disgusting, I could feed the whole street for that!!!

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JLouM

Yes it’s only good manners if someone is kind enough to host you to make at least a small contribution. Otherwise you are being taken for granted.

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Lynibis

I think these situations are quite easy to deal with. There are several ways to drop into a conversation, with humour, kindness e.g. I hope you don't mind but I will have to scale down dinner this year what with the rising prices, but you are welcome to bring anything you really want. Or, I am going to write a list of food we need for dinner and get everyone to choose something to bring to help me out.

I had this problem with a friend who comes for dinner and film every Saturday night. One week I mentioned that she should have a meal during the day as I would only be doing a sandwich or soup. Hint was taken and she now brings dessert.

With family you shouldn't have to worry about being overly polite, just not rude. Oy, it's time you lot helped out with Xmas dinner, I am getting fed up with cook AND supply every year!

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TAXI1

Oh my goodness thank you for the tips i felt as if i was unreasonable as no one has even mentioned it! my mum is coming over today I'm going to be brave and ask if she could bring something and hopefully that will get the ball rolling.....😬 will keep you posted on how it goes

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Lynibis

TAXI1 good and please don't back down😊 I hope I don't sound rude saying this but I am really surprised your mum hasn't done something before now. I am a pensioner and both sons earn good money but I always take either wine or homemade cake when I go for an ordinary midweek meal. Apart from the friend I mentioned above I don't know anyone who goes empty handed for a meal. One son, his wife and son are coming to me for Xmas but he is insisting on paying for all the food, only 4 of us and I can well afford to treat them.

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martinlufc5637

Just don't do it anymore, if they ask why, tell them you can no longer afford it

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telmel

Just serve beans on toast T , i am sure they would get the message 😀

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JLouM
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Consumer

Shame that no one offers to do this. I would either stop hosting, ask everyone to bring a cooked dish or write a list of everything that's needed (with the approximate cost) and let family know that I can only host if everyone brings something on the list. Bunch things together so that each person spends £5-10. They need to confirm that they are doing this by a certain date (or drop things off before the 'deadline') so you know in advance 😃

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MrsCraig

Ask all of them to bring something with them as you can no longer afford to feed them all. My parents come every year and they always bring something (even though they are told not too)

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jms19

I think just be completely honest and say that it’s expensive and you think it would be fairer if you split the costs. I don’t think that’s unreasonable since i assume you will be cooking it and providing the venue

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CathyReeve

Xmas day each family should provide a cooked meat, vegetable and desert, plenty of choice, plenty food. Leftovers can be used Boxing day but also make a Boxing day list and ask all adults to each choose something to cook and bring. If Boxing day is buffet list sandwiches, sausage rolls and so on. Don't forget to include crackers, wine and soft drinks to list. Cost of living crisis affects all.

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EileenTucker

We have 5 sons and their accompanying partners & children & other family members evey Christmas. Our sons always divvy up the costs between us. Simply mention that with prices rising, here is the menu you propose, the approxomite cost and could we share the expenses this year. If people are offended, so be it. With my family, we all agree on what foods we'd like to have, who will cook what, and we each contribute to the cost. You will be providiing free gas & electric to cook it with and free labour.

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TAXI1

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and for giving me some advice. I spoke to my mum and said with the cost of living this year we are going to need a bit of help....she was more than happy to contribute and is going to speak to other members of the family. I feel sooo much better about everything thanks again X

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Lynibis

TAXI1 ah that's good to hear. I feel some people just don't think but are ready to help once the situation is aired.

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JLouM

TAXI1 Happy Christmas! 🎄

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comriegold

TAXI1 take the opportunity at the end of the boxing day hosting to ask who's doing it for the next 11 years ? Your turn is over

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Pjran

TAXI1 I’m pleased to hear that you’ve spoken to your Mum who’s willing to share your concerns with the others.

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comriegold

WhatsApp group. Tot up the cost of everything. Divide the total by 14. Those who pay beforehand can come. Those who don't don't invite them.

Don't explain just say " below is the total cost of the extra food, drink electricity toilet paper washing-up liquid and water ect required for my hosting over Christmas. Divided between us all it comes to £ ◇◇◇ each. Please send this amount to me by ???? And consider yourself welcome! Otherwise please make other arrangements. I've deliberately chosen not to charge for my labour ext. That's my gift to you

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possy

Don’t bring anything? Not even a bottle??

Maybe ask if they could bring the dessert and crackers etc

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slightfoot

Just be honest with them, say times are hard so everyone needs to do a bit, one brings the puds, one does veg, one does stuffing and pigs in blankets, one does the cheese board ect ect

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comriegold

I'm interested to know how this is going

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TAXI1

I spoke to my Mum and she said she would bring the ham and a bottle of wine🥴 even if the rest just brought their own drinks it would help! As I have 4 children and no one else who is coming have any little ones it was starting to really get difficult thanks for listening I truly appreciate it

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comriegold

I have read so many similar stories this year. Open honest communication is key to the success of this experience. X

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