Should You Forgive Your Parents for Abusing You as a Child?
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I'm speaking from personal experience here. Nearly 30 years on I'm still traumatised although therapy is helping.
Down to the individual and circumstances. Abuse comes in all forms and complicated. If it was neglect due to health reasons of a parent while it's not right you can see the why as you get old. It becomes a sad situation for the family as a whole rather then physical abuse per say. Abuse is complex and only the victim can answer that. To add no too victims are the same.
Please don't feel that you have to forgive if you aren't ready yet or ever. Don't let others pressure you to forgive either. This is personal
I hate my dad, I haven't spoken to him in over 20 + years, he didn't sexual abuse us, just mental and physical when he was drunk, my children don't know him and never will, I could forgive for he did to me and my brothers But Not how he treated my mum, Never....not seeing him is my therapy, although the scars remain
martinlufc5637 if your kids came to you as adults and asked to know what happened would you tell them?
charcowe I have 3 adult daughter's in their 20's, I haven't told them anything ( I think they know some things) my dad was the local psychopath, so everybody in our town knows or knew about him, I just tell them he's a **** and not worth bothering with , they are ok with this , he hasn't bothered with them, never had a birthday card ect.. so they are not fussed about him, I wouldn't have him in their life's anyway, I'm not a kid he can knock about anymore , it would be a mistake for him to knock at my door............
Honestly no I wouldn't forgive at all I'll get on with my own life and not let destroy what I have, mine was different family friend I know he's dead now just hope it was as painful as he can be for him he took alot from me that I'll never get back
If you can. Depending on the trauma. My father deserves to burn in hell. I will never forgive. My mother is a recovering alcoholic. She hasnt touched a drop in 14 years. I forgave her, not entirely because there's still pain there but I love her more than anyone and anything. She really has turnt her life around. Does depend what they did/ if they have changed/ remorseful. Or if they really need no second thought and burn in hell along with my father. Lol (:
True forgiveness is for you as it can give you the space to process your emotions and heal. It helps you to move on. It isn't about letting someone else 'off the hook'. A lot of people find peace in forgiving. This doesn't mean that you need to have a conversation with the person and say 'I forgive you' - this can be something you do internally. Take care.
Only you know what you have been through and what you need to heal. As an individual, and possibly as a family, and with respect to the relationship(s).
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