I Know I Am Being Atrociously Selfish, but I Can't Help It.
Other
I don't want to feel this way but I guess lonely old age is getting to me.
I have a friend of 40plus years and we have been away together many times. Within the last 20 years she had two large breed fearsome dogs but as she has a platonic male friend from schooldays who often stays he has looked after the dogs when we have gone away.
I have been looking forward to retirement and as both dogs have now passed I envisaged outings, weekend breaks, holidays etc and she said once they were gone she would not have any more dogs.
Because of my fear of the dogs I have not been to her place since they were puppies and she comes to me every Saturday evening for a meal and film, plus any other times in between when free. I always provide the meal (a proper cooked meal and dessert) and she promptly falls asleep during the film.
Last Saturday she arrived and casually threw into the conversation that she had bought a new puppy. I was absolutely gutted and I am disgusted with myself for feeling this way when she has every right to do so.
I am not a billy no mates. I have 3 other close female friends but two are married, one with adult kids still at home and the third has an adult son with mental issues. I no longer even think about weekend breaks or holidays, nor do I enter comps for them. Why am I feeling so angry and upset?
Because she told you she would not have any more. Obviously changed her mind but I get you being upset or angry because it’s what she told you. It seems a bit of all take and not a lot of give to me.
JLouM I have always found it quite easy to make friends, but even so they can't be with you constantly and I am not the sort of person who phones family and friends when I feel low, that's a sure fire way to lose them.
I would suggest you and your husband make some independent friends, you never know when you may need them.
JLouM I am so what similar to you. I am married, a little older than you, but I do have four adult children so I focus them on and don’t have any so called friends.
JLouM how would you feel about online friends. I would be willing to be an online friend to anyone who wanted to be . I hate to think of anyone who feels that they have no friends. It’s really pulling at my heart strings. Are you a naturally shy person or would you be interested in joining a community hobby group (reading club , knitting group , exercise class etc) . You would make friends there I’m sure. Sorry to be cheeky suggesting things for you to do . You may be incredibly happy as you are , in that case just ignore me intruding.
Nickyhaslam77 I am an introvert I suppose rather than shy. I do have family but not my own. Thank you for your suggestions, I might take some up at some point.
It's probably due to a feeling of betrayal and having your own hopes for the future 'events' you might have shared all going down the toilet. It's almost a sense of loss because of what you had expected the future to hold and it's not unreasonable at all. It's a shame that your friend has bought a new puppy which has become the catalyst for these feelings but as you say she is entitled to do that. It doesn't sound as though she is actually a very good friend to you but how you take it from here is your decision. At least you were listening when she dropped this 'gem' into the chat. Don't be too hard on yourself as other peoples actions can't be accounted for and the unexpected often happens.
tumblespots you are right in your summation of the situation so I have decided to cut back on our Saturdays even though it will be a classic case of cutting off my nose to spite my face.
She has phoned to come tonight but I told her I haven't been shopping so just a jacket potato this evening. At least it is filling!
Lynibis You'll soon know if she is coming just for a good (free) meal or not and not having eaten so much she might not fall asleep! I do hope you have an enjoyable evening 
tumblespots We chatted before dinner but again she was complaining about her son and his partner (they marry next year), as she is now worried about this woman getting her hands on her money when she goes, she has an expensive house but no real liquid assets. I listened, told her again that she should be speaking up but she just mumbles. We had a meal and as always she fell asleep during the film, which I have to say was a very good one. I guess we will continue this way but I must admit it is no company once she dozes off.
I have asked her to come along to my history talk on Tuesday but although she said yes I doubt she will lol. Next Saturday we are having a sale on my drive so she is coming with her odds and ends too, we will probably make a day of it but I will suggest a takeaway with some of our earnings when we finish
Lynibis It doesn't sound like a evening you would want to repeat on a weekly basis?! (I shouldn't make comments like that really and I don't mean to offend but it does sound one sided) Does she have a pressing or hard job that makes her so tired that she can't stay awake? I'd feel awfully rude falling asleep in someone else's house.
Perhaps you could make sure she attends your talk under some pretense that she you really need her there do something in particular and that it won't go smoothly if she isn't there?
I'd be careful to make sure that you get your share of the proceeds from the sale as she may not bring many items and then suggest that you split it down the middle 
Good luck with the sale 
tumblespots thanks for your great comments. We will each sell our own stuff and I have a pinny with pockets, (isn't that an old fashioned word), and she has a bum bag lol. She is borderline hoarder so will have far more than me so won't be able to bring it all.
No, we did same job and she stopped about 6 months before me. She has the grandkids 3/4 days in the week but she blames fybromyalgia for the tiredness although I have never seen her suffering and she wears stupid shoes lol.
I really mustn't keep dissing her as she has been a good friend over the years, but yes it has become very one sided which was partly my fault as I wouldn't go near her Shar-Pei dogs. Her memory isn't too good these days so I will remind her Monday night about the talk, I do worry she is going the way of her mum who had severe dementia/alzheimers!
Lynibis I don't know anything about fybromyalgia so I couldn't really comment on that. She could be at the start of dementia/alzheimers, maybe she doesn't realise it or knows but doesn't want to face up to it, that would be sad and she would need a friend.
tumblespots don't worry I've got her for life despite all I have said. It has been good getting it off my chest though, just knowing people understand.
You aren't being selfish you expected her to not get another dog and she did. You're entitled to your feelings just like she's entitled to change her mind about getting another dog
Try your best not to think about her for a few days unless she’s coming tonight for a free meal. If she is invited this evening ask her to bring some wine or chocolates to enjoy while you’re watching a film. Or even suggest she picks up a takeaway.
You are very lucky to be able to say you have friends. I am happily married with adult children and have focused on that. Ok, she got a puppy but sounds like dogs make her happy. You managed to stay friends for the last twenty years which is amazing in it self. Ok, you can’t visit her house, but so much you can do together. Stay friends. Rather jealous.
eyeballkerry well it's ok now as the dog she has now is a small French bulldog, apparently very cute. So now I can visit her place again. Our friendship has lasted 40 years so I am not about to let it go now, it just needs to be on a more level pegging.
I am not sure why those with a partner do not have friends, I think that is just as sad as not having a partner, in an ideal world having both would be best. It is far easier to make friends than find a partner, my problem is the friends I have are always busy busy busy. My second best friend of about 20 years has a husband who I know well and adult kids at home but we still lunch together every month or so. Went to her 70th at a local hotel a week ago and it was lovely meeting her sister, niece, in laws etc. Her sister in law and I hit it off immediately but sadly she lives 3 hours away!
Don't stress about it hugh Jackman is back on the market new friend right there just trying to lighten your mood
but I understand where your coming from if it a puppy you might be alright with it depending on the breed so you could go to hers for change or just speak to her you both been friends for a long time so I'm sure we can work it out
Leannexxx ooooh yes and he likes older women. I am sad though as I thought he and his wife were keepers, a real love job.
I think a lot of the problem is that she constantly moans about her family but does nothing about it. Her son has a partner of 13 years and they have 3 kids. He still brings his washing round and then phones her at 10pm to take it out of machine. The other grandma has now refused to have the kids while her daughter works so friend now doing 4 days a week while daughter in law wfh upstairs in bedroom 7 to 7, yeh I bet she is working, she is a lazy slob. No food in house, takeaways every night, no clean clothes, kids get no attention etc etc etc. How can I do anything if she won't, my kids would not dream of treating me like that. Sorry didn't mean to rattle on, sounding like her 
Lynibis oh my god her son really needs to do his own washing he's taking advantage of her see I moan about my family and cut most of them off maybe she just needs you to be her friend but as I friends your allowed to say how you feel and if she can't handle it so be it hopefully it won't come to that just speak to her and say how much you love your friendship,just go from there
Leannexxx yep, I have done that over and over have been quite stern with her but very frustrating when she won't do anything about it. I have suggested she encourage them to do an online shop instead of online takeaway, say she can't take on other grans days also etc. I have even threatened to write to her son (he is my godson). She is going to spend Christmas in France with her eldest daughter and the son's mrs had the cheek to moan and say she couldn't cook a Christmas dinner, my friend has done it for years at their house, supplied all but veg and the cheeky woman invites her mates while my friend does all the work and she's a bit older than me.
When you see someone you care for being used and they constantly complain and do nothing, it makes you feel so cross and impotent.
So, as you see, lots more going on than original topic lol
I totally understand where you are coming from my Vizsla is 12 and a half years old and l have said she will definitely be my last dog, l no longer enter holiday/trip away competitions as l would never let anyone look after her, however I am billy no mates as l don't have a single friend or family, l would feel let down by your friend if l was in your shoes and l don't think you are being selfish at all. Life throws us curve balls all the time so I've learnt that l cannot depend on anyone but myself to never say one thing / change my mind. I'm a friend in a million and l wish their was another me that was my friend 
Pinkspirit I really do sympathise but do be careful not to let high expectations ruin your chance of a friendship. No one is perfect and usually if you show respect, understanding and care for another it reflects back at you. I just know that if you reached out to a neighbour, colleague, joined a club or class, people will enjoy being within your orbit.
Lynibis Confused??High expectations!!,
l don't have any at all, l show respect, understanding and care to all l meet, l help my neighbour's out daily with, walking their dogs, shopping, taking in their parcels, weed clearing from outside all our homes. I don't wish to join a club, I'm a loner and prefer it that way.
Pinkspirit ah well your last sentence in previous comment sounded as if you do want a friend, 'another me' so I was simply saying you may not find another who is a friend in a million, just an ordinary friend. I am a bit confused too as you prefer to be a loner, so I apologise if I have misunderstood your words. It seems you do have friends if you help your neighbours and I am sure they would not refuse a cuppa should you wish to broaden your orbit. I was not inferring you do not show respect etc just that in general people reflect back what they receive and that includes anger and aggression.
It's okay.. you're thoughts & feelings are valid and understandable. It makes you human 
Nadiaparveen thanks, as I said above none of us are perfect. Had a chat with friend last night and she insisted she will still be able to go out and about as everyone seems to have fallen in love with her new dog and they are all asking to look after it if she wants to go away.
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