Loneliness and How to Make New Friends as an Adult

slightfoot I will have a proper read through of them to. You just don't relise do you

jms19 yes I have tried, I asked one of the girls why I don't get invited and was told the same, that they didn't think I would be interested, said they would invite me in the future, that was a few years back now, still don't get invited and now they just make arrangements in secret, so then I tried being the one making the arrangements and inviting them- no takers, I've come to the conclusion that they just don't like me and I'm just not one of the gang, so sod em. I will try some of the things suggested to get some friends outside of work instead, and I think it may also be time for a change of job soon to be honest, I really love my job but the isolation is making it misrable ***

slightfoot ah ok so you have tried, I’d definitely be looking outside of work for social contact then. I think there’s some embarrassment that goes a long with these situations but it’s way more commmon than you think.

Bumble (the dating app) even has a mode for friends so maybe you could try that?

jms19 Thankyou, I will take a look at that ***

slightfoot them girls at your workplace sound like they are still at. I spend a lot of time on my own because I love it, nobody talking to me. At work they always chat about getting together and going out, I cringe at the idea and think I spend time at work with you because I have to, why would I want to spend my free and peaceful time with you? I'm a friendly person but I work with 2 face and toxic people. Make friends outside of work so can continue to do the job you enjoy

randhawa8 i think you’re right, plus I’ve found when i go out with people from work all we talk about is work. When i change jobs and meet up old work friends i realise that the only thing we really had in common was working the same job.

I think with friends it’s definitely quality not quantity. One true friend can be enough

hspexy yes joining some sort of group or club is definitely something I'm going to look into, I've got to do something

slightfoot have fun! There seems to be a lot of outdoor group meet ups in my area - summer is a good time to do these kind of things

anonymousbuyer thankyou, I will have look at that x

Pinkspirit Oooo I'm sooo sorry to hear your situation, there's been loads of great suggestions on this thread that may be of help to you too. if only we lived closer, we could have got together, always happy to have a chat on herd though ***

Pinkspirit Hi I’m in Worthing. I’m 51 and married but no children. No friends at all just work colleagues.

Kitty10 it's horrible and I was surprised by the response on here, it seems to be alot more common than i thought, I feel alitlle better about things today, everyones kind words and suggestions on here have helped alot, It always hits me harder on the weekends, where abouts are you? I'm Somerset x

slightfoot oh I am in the witches land of pendle.i can see the hill from my windows..but anytime you need a chat please feel free to get in touch..I know we are a few miles apart but still..only a message away x

Kitty10 Hi Kitty, I can see Pendle hill from my window but I think i’m at the other side of the hill. I moved here a year ago and live with my daughter her husband and children. I get lost on a regular basis because I don’t know the area.

kitty88uk yes this APP is great, everyone on here has been really kind, are you anywhere near Somerset?

slightfoot I’m afraid not close I live in Leeds!.. Yeah great app to help pass the time and get rewards for sharing offers of freebies and reduced items to help save us money too!

Sarahvwomble my situation is the same really, Im 37 now, worked shift work and unsociable hours in care homes since I was 14, school friends either went off to uni or had normal 9-5 jobs, and still lived at home with parents, they could socialise on the weekends, I was always at work as I didn't have the option of staying at home,I had my own rent and bills to pay, so friends just made new friends and I sort of got left behind.

Sarahvwomble there's been some great suggestions on here from people, that may help you aswell

kikogpe Hi as you're a mentor thought I would ask why this topic is on chat twice, exactly the same except for icon and title.

The other title is called ice breaker questions and icon is like a large black H.

Good morning, Lynibis. Sorry about the delay. I am not sure about this one, maybe it was a momentarily glitch.

Are you referring to this post?

www.latestdeals.co.uk/chat/ice-breaker-questions

kikogpe yes that's the one, it does seem strange two topics exactly the same.

Jerseydrew I have always found that people treat you the way you approach, treat and talk to them. It's a defence mechanism. I can remember asking a group of youths to watch their language in front of young children, but because I said it nicely with a smile (and not snarling and looking down my nose) they were happy to oblige and even apologised.

Two sayings come to mind. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Do as you would be done by.

I have lived by this most of my life and I can honestly say I have never had bad feelings or arguments with other humans, only with my ex husband who was an abuser, physically and mentally. There are some people who are incapable of being nice no matter how nice you are to them. I saw one such on Come Dine With Me on Saturday. Couldn't believe such creatures existed outside of books and dramas let alone showing herself up on TV.

Lynibis if only that were true. I taught in secondary schools for 17 years, and now I'm older I see exactly the same cruelty and bullying from adults as I did in playgrounds. People don't change unless something drastic happens to force it. People are jealous and resent those they see as being superior to them in aspects such as looks, intelligence, skills and so on, and they still try to find some way of bringing others down. In the current climate it is acceptable to be open about bigotry, and the small bigots are now grown ups, who are more aggressive and have little to fear. I feel exactly the same as Jerseydrew. You have made unwarranted judgement by assuming, with no evidence, that J is unpleasant to others. That isn't being the lovely person you assume yourself to be, is it? I can assure you that it matters not how pleasant you are to some people, they can be awful in response, either to your face or by spreading gossip and lies about you.

gothvixen my goodness I have never had a comment so badly interpreted or twisted. Maybe you should read my last para again as in no way did I say I was a particularly lovely person but that I used niceness to deal with certain situations. Nowhere in my comment did I say jerseydrew was in any way lacking and have had several pleasant interactions with him/her on here. Nor did I say anything about people changing or not, obviously you have chosen to be unkind in your response. The fact is that I believe strongly in children see, children do so they don't stand a chance with many of the parents I have seen in my work with children in care.

SaveMeSunday I have just reported it to a mentor

I'm not sure what you mean?, I wrote this post, it's the only one I've been chatting with people on

slightfoot it is nothing you have done but for some reason this chat is duplicated under another heading called ICE BREAKER QUESTIONS, with a black and white icon. When you click on it the title is same as yours and every comment is the same. I am surprised the other one has not been deleted by 'the management'.

Lynibis Oh I see, yes that is abit odd, technology hey

donpeterede I have the opposite problem. My husband died 3 years ago and women see me as a threat.

donpeterede I never get invited to anything arranged by couples so stick to my single friends. In the past I often found that men were 'looked after' by their couples friends, invited for dinner etc. Women are assumed to be able to look after themselves and as bickerstaffamy says, seen as a threat.

I hate dating sites but would love to join a friendship club for all genders to get together. If something then happens naturally all well and good.

bickerstaffamy oh no that's terrible, I suppose it's a compliment in a round about sort of way

SallyBevins ooh noo, soo sorry to hear that, feel free to hit me up for a chat on here any time, there's loads of great suggestions on that might help you too, ***