Are Your Sibling Relationships Good/bad/indifferent?
Other
At 10 years old I had a real life doll to love and help take care of, my new baby sister born to my new stepmum. Since that time we have been incredibly close, love each other very much and have never had an argument.
Two more sisters and a brother followed but sadly we do not have that closeness. The brother was born just before I married. We all get along really well and have a good laugh and catch up at family celebrations but no effort is put in by any of us. But with the oldest one we make a 2/3 hour drive to visit and stay, talk on the phone for over an hour at least once a week and always make the effort. How about you?
I only have one sister, the apple of her Mothers eye. We fought like cat and dog when at school, got on well when I was as work and she went to college. Drifted when she got married, until she needed my help then drifted when I got married. Were close when the kids were young. Now, she sends jokes on a regular basis, we phone when we feel the need and no doubt will have a get together when/if free travel is allowed. But we both know the other is there if we need them.
I guess we would all like a close loving relationship but if that is not possible I would say it can be enough that there are no estrangements, aggression or unpleasantness. We take it for granted family will always be there. I have 3 really good, long term friends but would choose my favourite sister over them every time.
I only got one brother who is 2 years older. Growing up I think he felt insecure because I was complete opposite of him. I liked to learn, was good at school and didn't cause problems. While he was lazy, didnt want to learn and used to drive parents mad at times. He also was mean to me so I would run to mum and he would get in trouble. Now we both had kids ourselves. He got out of toxic relationship.... He still feels that he was mistreated because of me. We speak occasionally. Sometimes he comes to visit. He has inner demons and I worry about him but I cant do anything unless he wants to do it himself.
Unfortunately parenting doesn't come with a handbook. Babies are all born equal (disabilities aside) but their parentage is the luck of the draw and none of us can foresee how our kids will turn out because of the things we may or may not have done. Be they big or small, intended or unintended they affect us. Self examination is the way to go but most are not capable of doing it.
Lynibis well there were plenty problems in our family. And while I got over it, forgave them and moved on... he hasn't. Sometimes it feels like he's stuck there and doesn't want to get out. He's very black or white person. No inbetween. I got a son and expecting another boy soon. As I say if they decide they gay or a toaster or microwave if they like I'll be there for them. I want them to be themselves and be happy. Whereas my brother is very old fashioned in this sense. If that would be the case he would disown them. And his own son if he turn out not to be straight...
jurgita0712 well that does seem to confirm my previous comment. It is a shame people cannot judge themselves the way they judge others and again, I feel it starts with parents. I remember when very young, I must have said or done something unkind, my father told me off and asked how I would feel if it had been done to me. That lesson never left me and I now think twice before I say or do something unkind and have the ability to stand in the other person's shoes. It doesn't mean I never say or do the wrong thing, I don't suffer fools gladly, but I will apologise when I realise I have caused hurt. Glad to say I have mastered my tongue a lot better as I have grown older.
I only have one sister who lives in a different country. She left when I was young so that affected our relationship.
I have 2 older brothers and was never close to either of them growing up. Haven't spoken to my middle brother in 15 years, haven't spoken to my oldest brother in 7 years. I don't miss either of them and have no desire to rekindle a relationship with either.
Oh dear, I find that so sad as it also means missing out on nephews, nieces and cousins. I can understand estrangement over serious issues like stealing your sister's husband but if it is just lack of contact it is always repairable. But of course that is only if the desire is there on both sides.
Lynibis nothing to do with lack of contact. It is due to some very complicated family issues. They have no desire to speak to me either. I have no idea if either of them even knows I have a son and I'm fine with that, I wouldn't want them seeing him anyway. I have 9 cousins, I only speak to one of them, very sporadically, so I'm not worried about him not seeing his cousins. He has his uncle on his dads side, who he thinks is brilliant so I would rather nurture that relationship that try to regain a very toxic one.
MrsCraig yes I agree it is better to distance yourself from toxic relationships, doesn't make for a happy life. I was thinking more of those who are too lazy or uninterested in maintaining sibling contact. As with my other siblings who I have always remembered, and their kids, on birthdays, xmas etc. but was never reciprocated. I have now stopped as I never got a thank you, but as I said above, there is no ill feeling and we still have a great time when we do get together.
I don't have any not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
I have 3 kids who get on most of the time
Well at least you didn't have to vie for attention! I am sure you will encourage your kids to look out for each other and be good friends as well as siblings.
Don't speck to mine haven't for 15 years they all choose wrong path whice I didn't won't part of best thing I done
I'm close to both my brother & sister. I speak to my sister on the phone almost everyday & my brother at least once a week. Me and my sister grew particularly closer when we both shared the caring duties of our parents 9 years ago after their cancer diagnoses. (My mum & dad were diagnosed with stage 4 cancer just weeks apart). My sister is a decade younger than me, so whilst we got along & spoke often before that, we definitely developed more of a bond & a friendship during that period that has continued. My brother lived away at the time so his experience wasn't quite the same. We are all close tho & there for each other at a drop of a hat if needed. Strange considering my mum disliked most of her siblings ( she was from a large family) & our dad wasn't especially close to his either.
That's lovely, though I am sorry your parents had to go through that. I think a bigger age gap can mean less jealousies but not playmates so much. I was like a little mum to my sis and remember feeding, bathing and changing nappies, so we were definitely close!
It’s ok. We were closer when we were younger, as we shared a room. But he’s always annoyed me - more so now even though I see less of him
Used to be bad, now indifferent... my brother is 18 months older than me and from the minute I was born, he refused to go to the hospital to visit me.. he used to beat the sh*t out of me growing up and when we were teenagers he went about telling everyone he was an only child and didn’t speak a word to me for 2 years despite living under the same roof.. now we barely speak or see each other but we are civil..
Gosh, I don't mean to be rude Sarah but your brother sure had some issues with a new bird in the nest when you were born. 18 months is a bit young to have a choice on going to the hospital, I think he should have been made to go and see you from the off. Had his ego boosted by being told he was a big brother and would help to look after the new baby. Also it is a good idea for the new baby to 'give' a present to the established sibling as it then makes them feel they won't be pushed out by the new arrival. I guess he was peeved at you taking away mum's attention.
Lynibis yes, he’s undiagnosed autistic (as is my father) and hated change, he said his entire life he didn’t want a sibling. All I had to do was breathe in the same room as him and he would be enraged!
sarahgreen15 That must be very hard to cope with Sarah, but at least you can excuse it to a certain degree knowing that he has a sort of reason for his behaviour. If he is undiagnosed maybe he also has some Aspergers too. It seems to effect men a lot more than women, there is one in my distant family, we have actually never met as it is my aunt's grandchild (I think).
Thanks for your reply. I got married at 17. My brother is the youngest so four older sisters, he has always been the baby!
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