Family Disputes, How It Affects Others.
Other
I have a wonderful family and great relationships with children, grandkids, siblings and in-laws. But two close family members have not spoken for years and it tears me apart, especially now I am older and want my last years to be peaceful and happy.
Holding on to grudges causes distress for other family members while they just carry on oblivious to the misery they create for everyone else. As the matriarch of the family, they often visit me and at those times I have to be careful that visits don't coincide, put photos away and try not to bring up their names or what they are doing in their lives. Seeing one of them very upset by the situation makes me feel disloyal by remaining close to both.
I have tried to mediate but one party will not relent which makes me angry and I find it hard to keep quiet, but I do.
An in law also has not spoken to her only sister for years and that too is tearing their parents apart.
Life is too short for all this and I am at my wits end.
If you even find the answer let me know I don't speak to most of my family as it is and I thought the passing of my mum would make us closer but no didn't do a thing
If you chat openly with friends you’ll realise this happens in most families yet they only speak about the best times.
This happens in most families. I know plenty of plenty who don't speak to their brothers/sisters/parents etc and that's my own family! It is up to them what they do, sometimes you just have to accept that you can't change it and let them get on with it.
MrsCraig I have 4 siblings and none of us have ever had a falling out and look forward to family gatherings. My granddaughter is very close to her mum and is probably biased towards her version of her parents separation, he was very young and she 6 years older but he always lavished care and money on her. (See reply to Melissa).
Lynibis I couldn't tell you anything about my siblings, we don't speak and that is the way that I want it to be. Doesn't cause any family issues at all. Sometimes there are a multitude of good reasons why people don't want to sort out the squabbles. I wouldn't try to hide it from the other person that you have a good relationship with the person they don't. Whilst it is hard it is up to the 2 of them whether they sort it out or not. Provide encouragement where needed, but let it take the course they decide. Yes it is hard, especially given the situation, but it is not one of your making, so you should not feel guilty about it.
Interminably sad I find as well. My Father used to say ,"You can choose your friends but not your family" I don't dislike anyone! I may sometimes oppose what people do and say but I can still be polite for a period and for a purpose. Life is indeed too short to harbour grudges.
MelissaLee1 both parties are lovely people which makes it so much worse. Each treats me with love and respect but I know my son feels the pain that I still have a good relationship with his daughter so I try not to discuss her in front of him. He has always been a good dad, though he is not with her mum, and they had a couple of bad rows where he ranted and raved, but he has never treated her badly.
My heartbreak now is that she is pregnant and I don't know how to tell him. How in all good faith can I have a relationship with my great grandchild when he won't be able to see his grandchild. It affects him badly enough each father's day. I can't bear the thought of seeing the child deceitfully even though I know he wouldn't ask me not to, but I know it would cause him pain.
It's hard. I see the effects all the time at work. It's really hard and I get to walk away and go home to my own family.
It's so difficult, I saw it with my Mum and her Brother and I now see it with my partner and his siblings, lifes too short and one day it will be too late to sort the squabbles out.
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I had a fall out with a sister in law years ago and still waiting for an apology. It doesn’t affect my life so I am not bothered.
eyeballkerry I think it is easier when you are not too emotionally connected with the other party and it probably doesn't affect other family members so much.
Iv read the comments. The only advice I would give is to never take sides, always stay neutral. My mum was from a large family. Her & siblings were always falling out. She didn't speak to her sister for decades. Imo the problem was often my grandfather (there mum passed when they were young). He would often take sides, add his two pence. It just breeds more disfunction as it creates further hurt, resentment & jealousy.
People have different communication styles. Some people want to squash things (often the person who really ought to apologise for poor behaviour - this way, they don't have to take any responsibility) and others want to talk things through to make sure the issue is actually resolved. If there's no compromise, there's often no resolution.
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