Your Favourite One-Liner Jokes?
Other
I unashamedly snuck in a few one liners into this afternoon's deal broadcast:
“As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.”
“Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”
🍽 “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant”
Anyone have a better one-liner they love?
(PS. Pretty sure the above were all from the Edinburgh fringe festival - definitely can't claim credit for them!)
My wife and I decided we didn't want any children... we're telling them tonight at dinner! 
MelissaLee1963 Thanks... I wanted to be a comedian but was afraid people would laugh at me.
John travolta was rushed to hospital doctors though he had COVID turns out it was just Saturday night fever
Stevie Nicks apparently turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner. She didn't want to be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks
Mine is " Dr how do you cure water on the brain, a tap on the head" I crack up everytime I hear it. I think it's because it was the 1st joke that was an actual joke my son told me when he was about 5.
My father drank so heavily, when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles
I recently went to the funeral of the inventor of the crossword puzzle. He was buried 6 down and four across.
I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That's a bit of a stretch
I bet the inventor of bread was really annoyed that the person who first thought of slicing it gets all the credit.
What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter
Thank you for this tumblespots we will use this in our broadcast around 5pm so look out for it!
The police have just rang to inform me that they’ve recovered my stolen sofa.
That was nice of them, it was starting to look a bit tatty.
I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa
The 30th August sheep dog trials will only allow certain dog breeds to enter,
as it’s a ‘ban collie day’.
Nice one sunny101 it reminded me of an old one:
At the Republic of Ireland sheep dog trials... three dogs were found guilty
davidstockport 
I have a friend who drives me insane with his one-liners! He is worse than Tim Vine.
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