Anyone feeling Lonely?
In the News
Chronic loneliness has increased in the UK by 25 per cent since the pandemic
Stats suggests 3.3 million adults – one in 17 – feel lonely nearly all the time.
Seems even with all the social media about the situation is getting worse or is it because of social media we find out about it and it’s always been there.
Do these type of forums help connect or is it a band aid?
Iv always felt social media made you more lonely because you see everyone’s “perfect life” which is a lie but we are tricked into thinking that. I often turn mine off.
SaveMeSunday I agree, especially when you see people out or on holiday taking multiple shots of themselves in a slightly different position, trying to capture the best side lol.
but there must be groups on there for lonely people to join which might be a good thing.
I’m alone a lot of the time - but I don’t necessarily feel lonely- if I can’t get in touch with my actual family - I have another family here. This family has helped me with issues I don’t really want to ask my actual family/friends. I think the idea is to be realistic about life - no matter how perfect people and their lives may seem online - who knows what is going on in their real lives.
I live alone and most of the time I am fine as I see colleagues six days a week and I have the best kids and grandkids I could wish for, we meet up regularly.
However, when I have 2 or 3 days without seeing a soul it can get to me but I know it won't last and I remind myself how lucky I am to have a loving family and a handful of truly sincere female friends.
Brilliant post Antiwoke and thank you for sharing it . 1 of the reasons I absolutely love about Latest deals and especially the forum is the people on it and the genuine feel of community . The people on here are truly what makes LD great and if someone is on here and feeling alone or struggling I'd like to think I would be there to help someone and make it known to them .Talking is and has always been key to being there for people struggling and as I said before thank you Antiwoke for sharing this .
stuartsmith544 Thank you and well said even if its on here if people feel lonely and speak out i'm sure others as well as yourself would be there for them..
Antiwoke Try and have a good weekend mate and think tomorrow is Monday (unfortunately )
I don't think social media necessarily helps those who are genuinely lonely, In fact in many circumstances it can make it worse. That's unless they take many of the things people say about themselves on social media with a very large pinch of salt (or read between the lines). I even know one individual on social media (early fifties) who has invented an affluent idealic life with an imaginary wife, who shows clear signs of clinical depression.
I and many other people who are on their own, actually enjoy being on our own, there might be reasons for us being on our own that causes us some sadness - but it doesn't make us "sad and lonely".
With Christmas approaching - I hope any who are on their own, perhaps for the first time, can feel happier being on their own - realising how often it's better for many of us on our own, than a great number of people who are not on their own - wishing they were on their own!
davidstockport I get what you say about social media to some extent. Some people do like being on their own, but I don’t think you realise how many people are alone. Not through choice.
But regardless of age or sex there are people out there what find it hard to connect and are alone, I might be wrong but your post seems to trivialise the subject, maybe you live alone but have a good set of friends in which case your not really alone.
Either way it’s your opinion and I respect that stay safe..
I am not alone through CHOICE I do realise that many others who are widowed - feel the same. There are a great number of people who feel lonely because they think because they're on their own they're supposed to be. And far TOO many people they've never met, are actual friends.
It might interest you to know that near the start of the pandemic, I tried to organise phone calls for those who are genuinely lonely or might need help. I'd like to thank all the caring people who responded via social media- unfortunately I can't there weren't any.
I think the Internet and social media has made it harder to gain more real connections. We spend half our time starring at screens instead of interacting with each other in person and I think we generally socialise less than 30 years ago because we have so much entertainment to keep us occupied but it's not the same as spending time with others creating real friendships.
Midnightflower I agree with you, most social media just makes people think they've got friends, but eventually makes them feel worse because there's no interaction from those thousands of "friends".
I do recall one sad person threatening to leave a site where he thought he was popular and another sadder individual organising a petition for him to reconsider. Both must have felt quite demoralised when the petition got two votes.
davidstockport I must be lonely my social media has 3 people on it, as I deleted everyone else years ago by choice. I don’t care what so and so had for breakfast.
i see and speak to friends in real life, but I do know there is a real problem with loneliness and it affects many. One of my friends has his wife, kids and grandkids, but I’m his only friend.
i read a lot of middle age men have the same problem, as most of the friends from the past were just drinking buddy’s who lose contact once you marry.
before social media came along people were still lonely, society wasn’t as connected so probably never heard the extent of the problem, lockdown certainly has helped but..
I feel lonely and isolated most of the time and it's horrible. For ppl that don't feel like this it's so hard to explain and I'm glad you don't feel this way xx
SammieAgar it’s not the same as meeting people in real life, but there’s always people on here what will reply and have a conversation with people, that’s why I put this post up hopefully to help even one person. It’s a horrible thing to be lonely but at this time of the year it’s even worse. take care
Antiwoke When you say "at this time of year it's even worse to be lonely", you perhaps never considered that the genuinely lonely people are lonely at all times, and actually more lonely after Christmas when well meaning people have tried to ease their loneliness and then think that's their act of compassion over for another year.
davidstockport very true, but this time of year doesn’t only mean Xmas, the colder weather, darker nights might stop some getting out who could otherwise get out. Seems a bit of a different tack from your first comment on the post. At least you are acknowledging true loneliness..
Antiwoke Perhaps you need to read it again, I have never said there is no true loneliness - these are actually my first words. "I don't think social media necessarily helps those who are genuinely lonely".
You say true - I say genuinely. In the context used they're equally correct:
www.quora.com/What-are-the-differences-between-genuine-true-real-and-correct
davidstockport I was on about first post, not the first paragraph of it. but regardless I’m glad your not lonely and contributing to the post. Take care.
SammieAgar I completely get this. I'm alone most of the time it really is a horrible feeling
emmajd it certainly is. The days just merge into each other then the days merge in to weeks..........
I actually feel lonely, ironically but true, around people than when I am on my own.
I'm not feeling lonely but I just wanted to thank you for posting this important topic . I try to reach out to ppl myself (neighbours etc) who I think maybe lonely but a lot of ppl won't admit it like it's some kind of weakness when it's not . Everyone is lonely at some point so the more we talk about it the easier it will be for ppl to admit they are lonely
brianmnicholson thank you, the wife does the same and checks in on one of the neighbours. Maybe we can help some on here.
I used to check on my elderly neighbour and automatically put bread and milk ect in my shopping trolley, she was like family, I miss her. I suffer social phobia so can't do big groups but since I had a stoma my friends have avoided me as if it's contagious and due to the trauma I have partial brain damage and need to use a walker and not go anywhere alone so I feel cut off from the real world and it's awful. It's not like I chose to have these disabilities.
Sorry for the rant xx
SammieAgar what an awful situation to be in, have you tried reaching out to your friends?
don’t apologise rant away. That’s what the posts for.
Antiwoke I've tried with my friends, I'm not being over dramatic but I've nearly died twice this year due to complications. The last time was in July when I was on a ventilator for 7 days in intensive care. My so called best friends actually only live at the bottom of my street and that hurts, if I could walk down on my own I would do xx
SammieAgar this is no consolation but your better off without friends like that. A true friend would visit you.
When you can’t get out, this is where the internet helps at least you can connect on some level.
I’m not really into the social media thing, but I go on forums. I’m lucky in the aspect I just phone or text my friends not very often but and meet up now and then. But the times we meet up get further apart the older we get.
I hope nobody feels lonely...it is not a good place to be...if you live near Pendle Hill where we live..and just want a chat or in fact anyone else in the world please get in touch..we are always here to listen and chat x
I'm alone most of the time, it's very lonely, some days I have no one to talk to but my pet rabbit. It's got harder over the years, funding cuts and lack of money mean lack of social groups and activities for people like me. Chat groups and forums can sometimes be my only way of communicating. Although I tend not to comment on here after a post which I deemed rude was put about me commenting on posts..... When I was on this forum years ago it was more social and friendly
"which I deemed rude was put about me commenting on posts....." emmajd
I will assume that was one of the unnoficial "moderators" (there are a few)
May I suggest that if it happens again you just tell them that if they have any complaints about what you've said or done they report it.
Furthermore if you do consider anything said about you to be rude... you do the reporting. There have been far too many people bullied off this forum presumably because they can string a few sentences together intelligibly and are considered a threat.
davidstockport I will do if I feel uncomfortable again thank you. It was about commenting on older posts after I'd gone through the pages and commented on some of the fun posts to get conversation going on the chats again. Wasn't expecting a post saying I was weird or strange for doing so.
emmajd I followed that topic and am reasonably certain that the other person had no intention of being rude. She herself suffered from the same trolls* as I did some years ago (they were trying to bully all the "oldies" off this forum) so she wouldn't intentionally upset anyone.
Just remembered I think I responded to you on that topic.
*At least two of those trolls, who had arrived mob handed from another site, from where they'd been banned still persist. I was contemplating legal action against one for defamation he'd repeatedly posted false information about me, even a moderator said any other forum would ban him, but admin didn't back her up.
Incidentally if you are complaining about any posting "screen grab" it first. One troll will edit their posting - then accuse YOU of lying.
Social media is a bit of an unknown one really. One day all is good , the next there can be vindictive trolls which really do effect your mental health. I choose to have Fb solely for the games :-) which benefits my day
nicenurse21 i only have 3 people on fb, i only keep now as i use to log into other sites with it, eventually once i change all my log in details i will get rid..
Antiwoke Too many false people on there. Not all obviously but some thrive on causing trouble :-(
I love this forum/chat, it makes me feel part of something.
I am also on other sites and groups online, but sadly a lot of people can hide behind the keyboard and not be very nice.
I've had some great conversations with people online it helps to share interests.
One of my closest friends that is local, we met through Facebook.
I sometimes feel more lonely, when out and about with a group of people.
I'm always happy to meet new people though and would hate for others to struggle, I'm a message away for most people, even though I am struggling health wise at the moment, they just have to bear with me and appreciate that I can't talk to them 24/7. As I've sadly found quite a few people online either want something more than just friends or are constantly messaging and get frustrated if you take more than 2 minutes to respond. Sadly we can't message each other on here but I'm sending my love to those that need it.
I'm very lucky that I have a loving household, my partner makes me feel wanted, but I'd love to make more tighter friendships with some people. I did think about joining Bumble (as apparently it has a friendship section now as well as their dating and also networking) I don't want to look desperate and I feel that would be setting myself up to be used or targeted, as they know you are looking for a genuine friend.
I very rarely feel lonely and I know that I am very lucky to be that way. I enjoy my own company so don't mind being alone. I talk to my mum, family and friends most days of the week and I have my husband and son too. Plus the dog is always there. I think it is really important to talk about loneliness as it is often dismissed but it is horrible for the person experiencing it.
I'd just like to thank you all for your comments, I don't feel so alone hearing that some of you feel the same way. Happy Christmas to you all xx
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